fail.

So I went to see Andrew today and it looks like no marathon for me.  I failed.  I don't know how I feel right now.  One second I'm devastated, the other I'm angry, then optimistic, then embarrassed, then nauseous, then frustrated, then bitter, then scared, then hopeful, then let down and the list keeps going.  I've never failed at running.  Any distance I set out, I conquered.  Any race I signed up for, I ran.  I would have never thought this would happen to me.  I didn't even think this was an option.  I signed up for a race, I paid $100 to run it and I followed a proper training program.  I even did ice baths!!!!!!!! Seriously?!?!?  There was never a thought that I wouldn't run it.  The only dumb thing I did was run a long distance with new sneakers - fail!  Ugh, I do not like that word.  The best part is I didn't ever once think to myself as I was running that this is prob not a good idea.  Andrew is the one who informed me of this dumb decision.  I've never had a problem with new sneakers.  I've never had a blister or new pain so why not run a Saturday run in them?  Well if I give anyone a piece of advice, don't run long distances in brand new sneakers without breaking them in with several short distances!  Another funny thing is that I didn't do any strength training this entire time.  I thought about it, but since the training program I was following didn't suggest it I thought I shouldn't.  I was afraid of over doing it.  Well that's another thing I've learned about achilles tendonitis - you need to build strong calf muscles to prevent it from happening again.  So I will be strength training when I begin training for the next marathon.  No, I am not giving up.  I still have a dream to run at least one marathon before I turn 30.  Actually, I'm still not throwing in the towel for this marathon.  I will need a miracle to complete it safely, but I'm not going to stop praying about it.  If all else fails, this race has a half marathon that I could drop down to.  Who knows what the next 4 weeks hold?  I sure don't.  But I'm going to take it one day at a time and let God do the rest.  But at the end of the day I still fail.